Day 21: I have this cloud of sadness over me that I can't seem to shift.

After being on the depo-shot for three months, I've gained 1 stone (14 lbs). I'm not at my highest weight ever at 226lbs. I'm so sick of this.

Then I found out my ex might have a new girlfriend (and I've seen the girl) and she's thin it just makes me want to berate myself even more.

We've been separated now for almost 4 yrs and I thought I was well and truly over him but I don't know if this means I'm not or I just feel this way because deep down I feel as if no one wants me as I'm so fat.

I don't know...

Day 4: Today I'm well and truly pleased with myself *insert cheesy grin here*

Today I'm happy to announce that I was not defeated my this monster called greed! I was David and my epic gluttony is Goliath and I slayed him dammit! Slayed him I tell you!! A little dramatic? Oh... :


So, today I managed to dodge pigging out on the devilish custard creams - I picked up 5 custard creams amounting at a whopping 320 cals! :o What I bloody waste of calories. I took one bite in one of them and then binned the other 4 1/2! Yay me. Two days ago, I would have pigged out and then feel guily after.

Why am I letting food control me? This is stupid! I control what goes in my gut dammit! *now breathe*

Anyway, for breakfast I had a chicken sandwich (ie, real chicken and wholemeal bread). Chicken breast was cooked from the night before, I had it with avocado and tomato! Yummy!

This is my breakdown for today:

Not too bad! I want to keep it at the minimum though, so next time I'll aim for 1200 cals. But I'm really happy with myself. When I don't do so great, I'm down on myself, it's only fair that when I'm doing good - I recognise that as well.

The funny thing is, before I would have a 'celebratory treat' - but the feeling of achieving my dietary goals is enough for me. :)

Also, I added my own recipe on SparkPeople today and this is what my lunch and dinner looked like:

For clarity of serving size/portion: This is a 'salad (small) plate' with a diameter of 18cm.

So yeah, I'm a very happy bunny today! Check in tomorrow. Toodles!

Day 3: Hmmmmm

Re yesterday:

So after my great start yesterday morning, I was pumped with motivation and determination but after not having lunch, come 3pm I was so hungry. All my good efforts in the morning was scrapped, who told me to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach?

I picked up the most ridiculous shit that shouldn't even be labelled as food. I pigged out. But today is another day. I would say my diet today has been about 70% good.

My chicken breast is just in the oven cooking as we I speak type (no oil added may I add) :D

Anywhoo, assignment time! Toodles.

Day 2: So far so good...

So at this very moment, it's 12:42pm; I've had breakfast looking something like this:

My daily 'allowances' (based on SparkPeople's recommendation) are:

So so far I'm doing good. :D



I'm thinking of making some 'season rice' with steam veg today for dinner, ingredients include:

JJamaican Season(ed) Rice Ingredients:

Main-

• Brown rice
• 2 cans of Brunswick sardine with tabasco peppers or Mackerel/Pilchards in tomato sauce
• Cock Soup
• 1 Onion
• Thyme

Compliments-

• Pumpkin/Butternut Squash
• Mixed vegetable (carrots, peas etc) fresh or frozen (I use frozen)
• Pimento

For the steam Veg (whatever ingredients I have lol):

• Cabbage
• Carrot
• Okra
• Thyme
• Mixed veg (fresh or frozen)

So you can see that the ingredient are really healthy. I have my complex carbs in there in the brown rice, my veg and my 'good' fats and protein in the oily fish = bingo! Not to mention how delicious this meal is.

I'm trying to change my outlook on food. Healthy can indeed mean tasty! Don't get me wrong though, I still love me some Nandos! lol

I'll check in at the end of the day to document how the whole day went. Toodles!

Day 1: I have a confession...

In my last post I mentioned that I threw my scale (batteries) away. After doing so I began to eat anything and everything, knowing that I didn't have a scale to weigh myself to feel guilty, allowed me to indulge; when I say 'indulge' I mean eat crap.

Today for instance I had a good breakfast, I had Heinz chicken country soup but for lunch I had Roosters chicken meal and I had the same again around 4 hours later! Sigh.

I'm constantly reviewing my actions and today I came to the realisation that I didn't get rid of my scale batteries as some sort of liberation; I got rid of it so I didn't have to face the consequences on the scale of bad food choices.

So I got me some new batteries, jumped on the scale weighing in at a massive 226.6lbs. This is officially my highest weight. Prior to this my highest weight was 224lbs or 16stones.

I cannot do this anymore, I will not do this anymore. I've said this a thousand times and I always end up right back to square one. Tomorrow is another day; one day at a time.

I threw away my scale!!!!

.... well not exactly; (that scale was expensive) but I threw out the batteries!  

Ever since I weighed myself 2 years ago clocking 16st (224 lbs) I was so shocked at how much I weighed I became obsessed. At my worst I would weigh myself 15 - 20 times per day everyday! If I 'relieved' myself, I would instantly weigh myself after. I eventually got my 'weighing obsession' down to 2 - 4 times per week. 

What I find is sometimes I'm sticking to my diet and exercise, but I still feel fat so I quickly get on the scale only to find out that (despite how 'fat' I feel) I've actually lost weight; but then what do I do? Eat to celebrate or eat because I'm thinking I'm doing so good it won't matter, but then I'm unable to get out of that celebratory binge.

On the flip side, when I feel as sexy as shite  and I'm thinking "oooh, I must have lost atleast 2lbs" only to jump on the scale and see that I've actually gained 2lbs, then instantly becoming depressed which leads to self deprecation which only makes me think eff it - I'll eat which consequently brings me back to square one! Phewww I'm so tired of that bullshite!

So yesterday I took some pics feeling sexy and stuff thinking I've lost weight, got on scales and saw that I gained - I was done. Sigh. Pics below:

Taken in November 2010:




April 2011 below:

I won't weigh myself again until June (may the Heavens be with me) but I'll continue to be a good girl. LOL.

Mid Season Sales

Mid Season Sales