So I'm preparing for yet another 'diet'...

Everytime I say "this is it" and slip up but with a new found support group and just being sick of being 'fat' and 'unhappy' with it, I'm ready!

Tomorrow, I'll post pics, stats etc - Are you ready? I am! :D

Yesterday was horrible...

My dedication level last week was 'satisfactory' but yesterday it was straight binging. I didn't have anything to eat until 11:30 am and that was a Big mac meal; then I took the kids cinema and had toffee popcorn, and I came home about 3pm and had mash potatoes with sardine and cheese (mad yucky combination but it's really nice).

Around 8pm, I had another portion of mash and sardine and cheese, fast forward to midnight I couldn't sleep so I thought lemme come downstairs and do some laundry but I ended up not doing the laundry but watching CSI and eating the final portion of mash and sardines at about 1:00am. 

Terrible right?

This morning though, I'm back being good. For breakfast, I had steam veg and a 1/4 of chicken breast and I only used about 1/4 teaspoon of olive oil to make it. It sounds like dinner doesn't? But the important bit is that it was a healthy breakfast. High in fibre, low in carbs, good enough protein, low in fat but just the right amount 'good fat', low in sodium = all good.

I think I'm back on track now. :)

What is my problem and why can't I stick to a regime?

The word 'regime' sounds so strict doesn't it? Could that be the problem?

I know what my problems are though and they affect not just my weight loss but every crook and cranny of my life. I'm a perpetual procrastinator and daydreamer.

Thinking back to when I was a child/teen I can now see what were early signs are now major problems. For example, you know when you start a brand new term in school (say September) I would say '' I'm gonna write my notes really neat '' or '' I'm going to do so and so '' and within a day or two that just goes out the window. I never stick to anything or I'll put it off until the very last minute.

I went Jamaica in May and I was still packing even when the cab came! The other day I had 6 assignments for college and on my way to one of the exams I snuck in just 6 minutes of revision before the exam and that was the only time I revised in the two weeks notice we received that we had an exam coming up. I managed to pass though but that is besides the point - this aspect of my personality can kill me. Obesity is no joke.

Now on researching ways to drop this 'habit' or 'personality trait' I came across this article

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How to Stop Your Procrastination Now

1. Procrastination is the great killer of our goals and aspirations. We always get caught in the cycle of hopeful enthusiasm, then second guessing, and finally resignation. The first step in stopping your procrastination now is MAKING A CLEAR DECISION OF WHAT YOU WANT. Do you want to be a writer? Do you want to do better in school? Make a clear decision what you want first and foremost.
2. The second step in stopping your procrastination now is LESSENING YOUR MOODINESS. For example, if you want to quit smoking, you are going to have to go through withdrawal sysmptoms before you stop having the craving. Sometimes you have to be strictly logical with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses in your life in order to make the desired changes.
   
3. The third step in stopping your procrastination now is to STOP DAYDREAMING. Daydreaming is great in the beginning because it'll let you know that you are not living the full life you are entitled to; after that, it becomes a hindrance as you get caught in your fantasies. Start doing and stop thinking about doing. I hope this has been a helpful article on how to stop procrastinating. Good luck! [Source]

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Number 3 suits me to the T! My heart actually sank when I read that bit; I'm such a daydreamer and I've been doing it since I was 12/13. I remember all my fantasies from they started to this day. I can't be without music as that is when I live in my own world. 

My virtual 'world' is also a hindrance, I live online and in my thoughts and while I live in a virtual reality my true reality is sliding pass.

Oh, did I also tell you guys that I'm a recluse? :( Oh boy, anyway I'm signing off for now. I'll continue another time.

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be” -  George Sheehan

My stats in pics..

So I thought I would take the official initial snap shots so I can track my progress even better.

43 inch waist

Sideview

216lbs

I'm disappointed in myself once again...

Yeah yeah, how many times will I say this right? How many times will I continue to be weak?

Why do I keep doing this? I know the pattern, I mean it's been happening for the past 10 years. It's absolutely pathetic really. I know what will make me eat, lose weight, make me feel fat etc.

I realise that if I have a protein shake in the morning, it's as if I've been 'good' or I've 'accomplished' something, that positive feeling motivates me and I'm not sure if it's all in the mind but I usually don't feel hungry again until atleast another 5 hours.

I can't even bring my thoughts together properly of how I truly feel - when I'm so low I can't even articulate my feelings, they just are.

Everyday I say, ''..ok this is the last one..'', everyday I say '' oh I will start tomorrow..'' but I've been saying that for 10 fucking years and I'm just getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fucking fatter everyday.

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself but today I'm really low and as I type this I feel tears welling up in my eyes because all I can think about now is having a piece of cake that myself and the kids baked today...

What I will do to try and dismiss the craving is say something along the lines of ... '' ok, if you don't give into the temptation it means you will overcome obesity but if do give into it you will never leave this category...''...

But right after thinking that, I will still dip into the jar and get some custard creams, why do I do it? Most of the time I'm not even hungry..

I dunno, I'm just gonna go to bed and sleep off this feeling... I'm just really low - not 'depression' low but just extremely disappointed in myself...

New found hope and motivation...

The title says it all, nothing more nothing less. :)

Today is one of them days where my life seems purposeless...

I guess my depression is creeping back up on me...

Minus the kids at home, I'm just lonely, isolated and I feel as if 'is this really living?'..

My cousin came to stay with me for a week and now that she's gone it's almost like it made me realise how much I need human interaction. I thought I was a happy recluse but now I see that's just a front.

I've been slacking...

I'm both embarrassed and pissed off at myself once more. I don't have a lot to write today, I won't wallow in pity, instead I'm going hop right back on this weight loss wagon.

I think I'll always love him...

Ok, so I'll give you a little overview.

I met my ex (my daughter's dad) when I was 17. He was my first boyfriend...We were together for almost 5 years when our daughter was one we broke up. Anyway, he has constantly been in our lives. When I was preggy he moved down to be closer to us.

He was a prick when I was pregnant and a prick when I gave birth but for the past t

Weigh-in ( Aug 1, 2010)

Seconds later (without consuming anything)..

So we'll do an average and say this week my weight is 213.85 lbs ( 15st 3lbs)

Last week my weight was 216.7lbs which makes that a loss of 2.85lbs. Nice one!

Beautiful Randomness…

Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend; my weekend has been jolly good so far – thanks for asking by the way  .

So today I took the kiddies to the park for a picnic, then they went off playing while I designed a few earring pieces. It was such a beautiful thing; just my sketch pad and I in an open gigantic empty park just appreciating this place called Earth.

Ringlets + Egytian Eye of Horus...

So after spending almost four hours in the park I took a 10 minute stroll to my humble abode to find a cat who is obsessed with me!

KittyKatty - I'll name him/her 'T'

This is the fourth time I’ve found this cat just sitting on my doorstep! The first time I saw him/her – I opened my door to get out and he was trying to force his way in! By the way, I don’t know the sex of the cat but it’s easier to write just one sex as oppose to him/her. Now that that’s out the way….

Anyway, this time I was a bit torn whether to feed him or not but he seemed really hungry. I didn’t want to encourage him to keep coming back but I didn’t want him to just be dying of hunger. A bit dramatic but I love animals and just could resist giving him some tuna:

'T' eating tuna..

Anyway guys, that’s it for today episode of ‘Beautiful Randomness’ – Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Be great – Tre.

So I went shopping today...

I'm really excited and I'm getting really prepared for this lifelong commitment to a healthier lifestyle. I got all my fruits and veggies for about a week's consumption (but I loveee fruits so it probably wont last as long). I got nine 2 litre bottles of water, my soya milk ( as I don't drink cow's milk), and much more healthier foods.

My fruit haul looks a little like this:

It's a good look right?

Anywhoo, I hope you are guys are doing good and sticking to your plans but if you fall off,  you can get back on it the next minute; we/you don't have to wait until the next day, week, month or that next big event. Get it going now! 

Let me elaborate on what I plan to do....

Exercise:

So, I will no longer go to the gym as I'm starting college again in September with two kids and don't have dedicated childcare so I will just do things at home (which I know can work as I've lost 20lbs before this way).

I have a garden which I skip in; I have a small park directly in front of my house with a hilly bit that I could use for incline. I live in a nice neighbourhood with two large parks close by (fully decked out with tennis courts basketball courts). One is about 4 times a football pitch size and the other is about 8 times that! So there you have it - no excuses.

I've used 'Davina DVD's' before and they really helped as well but I've purchase three now and they are all scratched so I won't waste my money anymore, I'll just use my trusty old YouTube.

Diet:

I'm a member of 'SparkPeople' and I use their 'food tracker' to track my calories, protein, fat, carbs etc in my food.

This will be my 'diet allowance':

I'll take one day at a time - this is serious and I'm gonna do this!

So This Is My First Post.....

Thanks for visiting my blog. I’ll introduce myself…
My name is ‘Tre or Tremaine’ and I’m overweight, considerably overweight in my opinion. I currently weigh 216.7 lbs but my highest weight is 224lbs (16 stones). As I write ’16 stones’ I find myself shaking my head.

How did I let myself get this big? So big to the point at age 24 I’m feeling aches and pains all over my body, so big that sometimes I don’t have my periods – you might think that’s too much information but I need to get it all out. So big that I get panic attacks of the thought of meeting new people. So big that I’m constantly thinking ”.. I don’t want to be scared or I might have a heart attack..”. I’m too young for this and more importantly – I’m too wise for this.



I’ve been this fat for so long, too long. I know what to do and what to eat but for some reason I just feel as if I can’t control what I’m eating. How dumb is that?! Hello! The food didn’t suddenly come alive and put a gun to my head on what I should or shouldn’t eat. I need to nip this in the bud.
I'm not healthy at this weight at all... I know you have women weighing 200lbs and healthy... heck, I have some in my family but I'm not one of them. I know women who weigh more than me still having their periods but I don't. The funny thing is I've yo-yoed so many times I now know my weight at which my periods stops - it's between 211 - 214. My periods are perfectly fine under that. But I don't want to be on the borderline of health. I just want to be healthy and look fly while doing it.
I keep saying this, then I start a new blog, then I delete that blog, then I start a new ‘diet’ then I fall off. Then I weigh myself everyday and if I ever put on 0.00000001 lb I feel like I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. This is ridiculous!
If I do lose, then I think ” ..ok then, I can have this then..”, then that little ‘treat’ turns into a big ol family sized crap food fest for just one.
I know what my problems are – so now is the time! Now I’m serious, I’ve said this atleast 20 times but I saw a picture of myself today…

By the way, my 3 1/2 year old daughter was playing with my camera behind me and must have snapped this – I’m so glad she did.
So what am I gonna do different I hear you ask – my answer is simply do it right.
Oh, by the way - on a good day I scrub up well! :p

hehe...

So I'm starting over:
As a baby I was born normal weight 7lbs supm
As a child I was a 'normal' size:

Normal sized teen (though I thought it was impossible for anyone to weigh more than me at that time - smdh)

And by calculation from when I first weighed myself at 147lbs (10st 7lbs) to now 217 lbs (15st 5lbs) I've gained 0.5lbs every month.
You see that right there - it sneaked up on me so slowly that I didn't even realised. It came on so slowly that my clothes still fit. And the thing is those were the days I would have two double whoppers in less than half hour! (Damn you buy one get one frees!).
Now I don't even eat a quarter of that junk and I gain weight - damn you age! lol
Anyway.. stay tuned if you don't mind my rants! xxx