Day 21: I have this cloud of sadness over me that I can't seem to shift.

After being on the depo-shot for three months, I've gained 1 stone (14 lbs). I'm not at my highest weight ever at 226lbs. I'm so sick of this.

Then I found out my ex might have a new girlfriend (and I've seen the girl) and she's thin it just makes me want to berate myself even more.

We've been separated now for almost 4 yrs and I thought I was well and truly over him but I don't know if this means I'm not or I just feel this way because deep down I feel as if no one wants me as I'm so fat.

I don't know...

Day 4: Today I'm well and truly pleased with myself *insert cheesy grin here*

Today I'm happy to announce that I was not defeated my this monster called greed! I was David and my epic gluttony is Goliath and I slayed him dammit! Slayed him I tell you!! A little dramatic? Oh... :


So, today I managed to dodge pigging out on the devilish custard creams - I picked up 5 custard creams amounting at a whopping 320 cals! :o What I bloody waste of calories. I took one bite in one of them and then binned the other 4 1/2! Yay me. Two days ago, I would have pigged out and then feel guily after.

Why am I letting food control me? This is stupid! I control what goes in my gut dammit! *now breathe*

Anyway, for breakfast I had a chicken sandwich (ie, real chicken and wholemeal bread). Chicken breast was cooked from the night before, I had it with avocado and tomato! Yummy!

This is my breakdown for today:

Not too bad! I want to keep it at the minimum though, so next time I'll aim for 1200 cals. But I'm really happy with myself. When I don't do so great, I'm down on myself, it's only fair that when I'm doing good - I recognise that as well.

The funny thing is, before I would have a 'celebratory treat' - but the feeling of achieving my dietary goals is enough for me. :)

Also, I added my own recipe on SparkPeople today and this is what my lunch and dinner looked like:

For clarity of serving size/portion: This is a 'salad (small) plate' with a diameter of 18cm.

So yeah, I'm a very happy bunny today! Check in tomorrow. Toodles!

Day 3: Hmmmmm

Re yesterday:

So after my great start yesterday morning, I was pumped with motivation and determination but after not having lunch, come 3pm I was so hungry. All my good efforts in the morning was scrapped, who told me to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach?

I picked up the most ridiculous shit that shouldn't even be labelled as food. I pigged out. But today is another day. I would say my diet today has been about 70% good.

My chicken breast is just in the oven cooking as we I speak type (no oil added may I add) :D

Anywhoo, assignment time! Toodles.

Day 2: So far so good...

So at this very moment, it's 12:42pm; I've had breakfast looking something like this:

My daily 'allowances' (based on SparkPeople's recommendation) are:

So so far I'm doing good. :D



I'm thinking of making some 'season rice' with steam veg today for dinner, ingredients include:

JJamaican Season(ed) Rice Ingredients:

Main-

• Brown rice
• 2 cans of Brunswick sardine with tabasco peppers or Mackerel/Pilchards in tomato sauce
• Cock Soup
• 1 Onion
• Thyme

Compliments-

• Pumpkin/Butternut Squash
• Mixed vegetable (carrots, peas etc) fresh or frozen (I use frozen)
• Pimento

For the steam Veg (whatever ingredients I have lol):

• Cabbage
• Carrot
• Okra
• Thyme
• Mixed veg (fresh or frozen)

So you can see that the ingredient are really healthy. I have my complex carbs in there in the brown rice, my veg and my 'good' fats and protein in the oily fish = bingo! Not to mention how delicious this meal is.

I'm trying to change my outlook on food. Healthy can indeed mean tasty! Don't get me wrong though, I still love me some Nandos! lol

I'll check in at the end of the day to document how the whole day went. Toodles!

Day 1: I have a confession...

In my last post I mentioned that I threw my scale (batteries) away. After doing so I began to eat anything and everything, knowing that I didn't have a scale to weigh myself to feel guilty, allowed me to indulge; when I say 'indulge' I mean eat crap.

Today for instance I had a good breakfast, I had Heinz chicken country soup but for lunch I had Roosters chicken meal and I had the same again around 4 hours later! Sigh.

I'm constantly reviewing my actions and today I came to the realisation that I didn't get rid of my scale batteries as some sort of liberation; I got rid of it so I didn't have to face the consequences on the scale of bad food choices.

So I got me some new batteries, jumped on the scale weighing in at a massive 226.6lbs. This is officially my highest weight. Prior to this my highest weight was 224lbs or 16stones.

I cannot do this anymore, I will not do this anymore. I've said this a thousand times and I always end up right back to square one. Tomorrow is another day; one day at a time.